None of us enjoy thinking about what happens when we’re no longer here, or when we’re unable to make decisions for ourselves. It can be even harder to discuss these scenarios with our family and loved ones.
Making the decision to prepare a Will or Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) is significant, and the thought of discussing it with family can feel uncomfortable. Yet these conversations are among the most valuable you can have.
Speaking to your loved ones about your plans helps to reduce future conflict and ensures that your wishes are respected.
At Boyletts Law, we’ve guided hundreds of families through this process and have seen first-hand how clear communication today prevents stress tomorrow. As this is something we come across regularly, we thought we’d share our guide on how to approach this conversation thoughtfully and productively.
1. Choose the right moment
Timing matters. You don’t need to announce your Will or plans for your Lasting Power of Attorney over Sunday lunch or bring it up during a family dispute. Pick a calm, private moment when everyone has time to talk without distractions. If you’re already meeting to discuss wider financial or family matters, such as retirement plans, long-term care, or home ownership, that can often be a natural time to include your Will and LPA in the discussion.2. Be honest about your motives
It’s important that your family understand that your Will and LPA are your documents and that you’re making the decisions you believe are correct and in everyone’s best interests. It’s helpful, however, to let your family know why you’re raising this topic and why you’re making the decisions you have. Explaining that you want to make sure things are clear and fair for everyone, so there’s no confusion or upset later, sets a positive tone. It emphasises that your goal is to protect and simplify matters, not to control or surprise anyone. Opening the conversation this way helps people understand your reasoning, and they’re less likely to feel anxious or defensive.3. Explain what’s already in place
You may already have a Will or LPA in place. If so, explain in simple terms what they cover. You should never feel the need to disclose every detail, but you may wish to let your family know:- Who your Executors or Attorneys are and why you chose them
- Any specific wishes that might need explanation (for example, leaving a particular item to someone for sentimental reasons, or leaving someone a greater share of your Estate)
- Most importantly, where the documents are stored and who holds copies
4. Focus on clarity, not just fairness
Conversations about money can stir emotions. It’s natural for people to equate ‘fair’ with ‘equal’, but these aren’t always the same thing. You may have made decisions based on individual circumstances. For example, one child might be financially better off than another, or one child may have increased needs, or you may have a particularly close relationship with a family or non-family member. Try to explain that your intention is to avoid confusion or resentment, not to favour anyone. Neutral language, such as explaining that you’ve tried to make decisions that reflect everyone’s situation and keep things straightforward, can often help.5. Have open discussions about your LPA
Lasting Powers of Attorney are just as important as Wills. They allow someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf if you lose capacity. You can find more information about Lasting Powers of Attorney on our LPA page. Talking about your preferences and wishes now, such as who you’d want to act for you and why, ensures family members understand and respect your choices later. It can also spare them from difficult decisions made under pressure and gives them the opportunity to say if they don’t wish to take up this role.6. Bring in professional support if needed
In some cases, it can be helpful to have a neutral professional present, especially if family dynamics are complex. A solicitor can:- Explain legal processes in clear and neutral terms
- Answer factual questions from family members
- Help ensure that your Will and LPA are legally valid and correctly reflect your intentions
- Raise additional questions that may not have been considered